The real purpose of a Yoga mat.

I started practising Yoga in 2013. On the carpet in my living room. With a DVD. I got myself a “real” Yoga mat a few months later. A green one with a white lotus at the top of the mat, right in front of my feet where the big toes touched before entering into surya namaskar (sun salutation).

I found myself on this mat almost every day. Practising with the same DVD for half a year. Almost every time, when I explored one particular asana, tears were rolling down my cheeks. Why, I got to know years later. It was because those hip opener positions have a great capacity to unlock hidden and well stored experiences. Those tears were the manifestation of my body letting go of those emotions. I grew on this mat, day by day. I challenged myself in many moments and sweat dropped down my forehead, right next to the lotus were it became one with the green mat. Every day, my hands and feet connected with my Yoga mat – and left something behind. Traces of joy. Traces of sadness. Traces of vulnerability. Sometimes I found myself on the mat early morning when I couldn‘t sleep, practising in half trance mode and going back to sleep afterwards. The mat got filled up. With memories which got released during my practice. With growing devotion and the ability to surrender towards life. She was filled not only with physical strength, but also with increasing mental power. Sometimes I was stuck, not moving forward. But then getting rewarded few days later with a bigger, more unexpected advancement within the practice of Yoga. I fell, and I learned to laugh about myself. I succeeded, and learned to be proud of myself. I learned to feel and to listen to my body, to trust my inner intuition. I received messages and wisdom, being blessed by gods and goddesses.

My Yoga mat is my sacred space. The space in which I am connected with myself. My place to hide. My place where I also show myself to others when I teach, and show myself to myself when I practise. The space where I am me. The place where I feel completely safe and protected. My Yoga mat became my temple. The temple where I worship and learn about myself. The temple where the divine within me shows itself. I space where I am one with myself and everything around me.

I step on my Yoga mat every day, with respect and awareness. I try not to step on other people‘s mats, like those from my students and yogini-sisters. And if I do, I step on it with respect and honoring their space. Every mat carries its own energy which we can recognise by being aware of it. Honor your Yoga mat! Enter this space with respect and devotion. Because your Yoga mat gives you this unique space which just belongs to you.

Living without alcohol and cigarettes?

March 2016, India. I found myself in a huge meditation hall, filled with pictures of a Guru on the walls. A Guru, whom I saw for the first time two months earlier on youtube. I had no idea what would happen within the next 21 days. No idea what to expect. A cult? A religion? Yoga? Truths about life? Healing? Or just manipulation?

What happened was: After a few days it felt like my brain started to rewire. Thought currents which were there before suddenly couldn’t connect anymore. As smoker we probably know how the mind works every day: I want a cigarette now. – But I had already two earlier today. – Actually, I wanted to stop smoking. – But Sunday, after going out on Saturday, I quit smoking. – I don’t want to feel stuck. – I am a free person and can do what I want! – I am smoking now. – Was that cigarette really necessary? Yes, I am talking about the thoughts that we daily repeat: What should I wear today? – I look fat in those clothes. – The colors are definitely too bright. – Jesus, what are the others going to think about that? I am talking about those thought currents. It was as if one thought would start, but the next one couldn‘t connect anymore. Those chains started breaking day by day.

Coming home after those 21 days was quite an experience. There was no thought of wanting a cigarette. No yearning for a glass of wine. I wanted to quit smoking for years. Fighting every week for it and against myself. The smell, the taste, this toxic substance on my lips, entering my mouth and lungs. All of it was suddenly gone. I felt free. I always considered doing what I want, smoking, was freedom. But I had to realise that real freedom was being free from those thought currents.

I was curious about the first time going out and not drinking alcohol. How would it be? What would my friends say? Friday night, I found myself in a night club in Vienna. On the dancefloor. I felt insecure. I realized how alcohol had made me feel self-confident. How on earth was that flirting-thing working? I thought that not a single word would come out of my mouth as an attractive man approached me. Even on the dancefloor, my body was like frozen. I was watching myself while all this happened. And right there, on the dancefloor, the DJ played one of my all-time favorite songs. I felt deep sympathy for myself. Oh, so that is the feeling when you really get to know yourself, I thought. I started accepting myself. I started to let go and my body starting moving. With every step on the dancefloor more self-doubt was released. It became pure joy, inhaling life in its essence and beauty.

I realised that I didn‘t have to give up going out and dancing until early morning just because I wasn‘t drinking anymore. I am still going to music festivals. I am still dancing till early morning and having fun conversations with my friends. I do not miss anything. I gained much more. Everytime I explore new insecurities about myself. I became more honest and aware with myself. I love the feeling of falling when I am dancing and going out. I am not judging anybody who is drinking alcohol or smoking. I am sharing my experience. I love how pure and clean my body feels. I love that my Yoga practise is not suffering by being drunk the night before. I love the space in my mind which is now filled with beautiful and life-encouraging thought currents. I am deeply grateful for this „Sankalpa“ (Sanskrit: strong commitment, words you give to yourself), which I gave to myself while I was sitting in that meditation hall in India. Out of self love and self respect.

Kids Yoga helps children to grow

It has been two years now, since I started teaching Yoga for children. The kids are between 6 and 10 years old and one course lasts one semester. The next one is about to start very soon, and my anticipation is rising day by day.

I clearly remember one course in which the children developed great interest in balancing postures during the classes. They were excited to explore and experience what they were able to do with their bodies. After some time, they were ready for a fun challenge. Playfully, we tried out “Bakasana”, a balancing posture where you hold yourself on your two hands, buttocks lifted and knees bend, resting on the upper arms (see picture below). I was surprised how easy the children held this posture. Suddenly, one of the boys lost his balance, got scared and fell to the side. I went over to look after him, telling him that he doesn’t have to worry. I admitted that also I sometimes loose balance in different postures. I explained that this can be scary, but fun at the same time. When he looked at me, I saw that he had tears in his eyes. He said: „I am not able to do anything“. This sentence and the way he said it, came deep down from his inner space. His face reflected the disappointment he expressed verbally.

I told him to look into my eyes. He raised his head. I smiled at him and with a strong voice told him: „Nobody on earth has the right to tell you what you cannot do. You are able to do anything you want. You are able to do anything you want. You are able to do anything you want.“ After the first sentence, his eyes became bigger and he soaked up every word I said. His face started to shine.

I asked all children to form a circle, holding their hands. The little boy was standing in the middle. We all repeated loud and clear seven times: „You can achieve everything. You are amazing“. With every repetition, the little boy grew taller and taller. A feeling of cohesion was flowing through the circle of children. The kids were excited. Every kid was encouraged to stand in the middle. One after the other had the possibility to hear the sentence: „You can achieve everything. You are amazing.“ The kids started clapping and celebrating. Their faces lightened up in a way I have never seen it before.

Even now, I have tears in my eyes thinking about this moment. It is about sensitivity and self-respect that I aim to teach children in my yoga classes. It is about self-awareness and self-confidence, supported by mutual encouragement. This is one of the main reasons, why I teach kids yoga with passion and dedication.

How Self-Love made me become a vegetarian

Even if you don’t believe it, but a few years ago I was a person who thought „I could never live without meat“. Vegetarians or vegans didn’t bother me at all. Not even when I had a best friend who was vegetarian. She accepted me, I accepted her, so I didn’t care about who ate what.

A longer while ago I ended up on a little island, far away from all external happenings and people due to which I developed different habits. I started to follow my inner instincts. Later on I realized that I had meat exactly three times throughout the whole time i was living there. But – oh boy – back to the city life I was used to before, how delicious tasted that salami pizza after an amazing party night. But still, something had changed: the way I treated myself. I started practising Yoga, learned more about myself and what was good for me and my body. I experienced how my words, actions and thoughts created my reality and how they influenced and formed the person I was.

We all know, that our thoughts, words and actions influence our body and health. We know, that being sad or depressive can cause diseases. Animals are no different. An animal who suffers has a sick body. The moment the animal dies a lot of stress hormones are released into the body. Mostly already hours before the animal is killed or even for years due to life-long torture and unworthy treatment. Mostly animals have never even seen the sunlight once. And of course, those hormones are stored in the animal’s body, which we eat. Through eating and digesting the meat we eat, we become one with the emotions and feelings stored in that animal’s body. We are not seperate from our stomach. Our stomach in inside our body and whatever we digest becomes part of us.

But even if I was aware of all that, once in a while I was consuming meat. Sometimes I just couldn’t resist. Until that particular day in my life. I went to a restaurant with my Dad and my brother and ordered chicken drumsticks. After eating the first half a piece I saw the bone. A bone which was broken. I stopped. I felt the pain that pour animal had to go through. I imagined what might had happened, how it must have been tortured – the fear of death, the suffering, all emotions it had, everything appeared in front of me in form of that broken bone. I realised what I did to my body and how I supported violence, inside and outside, by eating meat. From that moment on I declared my body as animal-free-zone, until the end of my life. Ahimsa (Sanskrit, f., अहिंसा, ahiṃsā, means “not to injure”) means non violence according to Yoga philosophy. Non violence outside and inside, which means how we behave in the outer world and how we treat ourselves. That is what I commit myself to – out of self-love.

Be Food Free Process – Nirahara Samyama

Living without food is, according to the Vedas which are the spiritual scriptures in Hinduism, one of the Yogic Powers every human person is capable of. There are many Yogis living without solid food and thereby gaining health, energy and higher consciousness.

Nirahara Samyama is a 21-days Be Food Free Meditation Process revealed and guided by my Guru Sri Paramahamsa Nithyananda Swami. My first batch was in July 2016. This process revealed so many hidden patterns connected with food that I would have never imagined. And no – it is not a process to fast or suffer from hunger. First and foremost it helps you to free yourself from restrictive and compulsive thought currents and behaviors like irritations, stress or addictions. The reason why this is so efficient is the following: Love and food are the first two things that we receive from our mother. In early childhood these two are connected unconsciously and therefore we develop some root pattern that are forcing us to behave or think in certain ways. Makes sense right?

So, binge eating, engorgement, eating to reward ourselves, societally coming together to enjoy food, celebrations with food, cooking for somebody out of love, caring for ourselves – all of this is connected to food. And I am not saying that this is wrong, but sometimes we are not aware of it.

How to do Nirahara Samyama: Level 1 is two days without solid food. On the third day, you eat whatever you want. After day 3, level 2 starts which means seven days without solid food. On the 11th day of Nirahara Samyama we are allowed to eat normally again before level 3 starts, which is the last sequence of the process and means ten days without solid food. During the days where you don’t eat, one is able and should consume liquids in any form, can be smoothies, butter milk, yoghurt drinks or soup. The stomach should never be empty, but also not overfilled. There is nothing required to start to process and do Nirahara Samyama. But you should be healthy. Means if you have a cold or suffer from influenza, better to wait and start with the next batch, a cycle starts every month. Mandatory is a 21 minute meditation every day and to follow daily satsang of Avatar Sri Paramahamsa Nithyananda.

You want to know what all this might be good for?
Here you the “clicks” I had throughout the 21 days:

• Engaging in life: First day of the process I was sitting at work and had a dispute with my colleague early morning. My first thought was “I want to eat something, I need breakfast, now!”. For ten minutes I was literally caught in my own thought currents taking me from “I am not allowed to eat”, to “I can’t give up already on the first day”, through “maybe I just need a little food and continue with the process tomorrow” and back to “I want to eat something”. After 10 minutes the thoughts shifted as I decided to confront life. I realized that I felt uncomfortable with the situation between me and my colleague and those thoughts were just a distraction I created. I decided to talk to my colleague and in no time we solved the problem. Throughout the next days, I confronted life in every situation, inhaled it to the fullest, every minute and accepted all situations as they came, accepted and solved them instead of losing power over them.
• Clarity and concentration: As many people do, I usually woke up in the morning and very soon after, I started thinking about where and what I would eat throughout the day, starting with breakfast. Is there something in the fridge or do I need to buy food on the way to work? Later during the day, same with lunch and dinner. I asked myself what is healthy for me, or do I rather allow myself to eat something unhealthy today which I probably shouldn’t? Having chocolate today or tomorrow? How much to eat to not overeat and when to have dinner so there I want feel heavy when I do sports or yoga later? Not to eat brought clarity about how much time I spent with thinking about food. My thoughts were clear and there was no distraction when I focused on something. I had tremendous mental balance and stillness.

• Independence: I realized that my emotional or physical state does not depend on food. Earlier in life I often thought “I am tired because I haven’t had breakfast yet”, “I need chocolate to be in a better mood”, “I need sugar to push myself a little”, “I am tired because I had too much food”. After a few days it became very clear, that all those thoughts were not real. I had the same thoughts even if I didn’t had food and I also realized, that there was a lot of discrepancy in between those thoughts. For example I told myself that I was tired when I didn’t eat, but I also told myself that I was tired from eating. On the third day and on the eleventh day, where I ate normally, no matter what or how much I ate it had no effect on my energy level anymore. I liberated myself from those connections between food and energy level, as well as emotional ups and downs through the thoughts regarding food. I am not saying, that it is not still here, that all those thoughts are gone. But when they are here, I realise them and I can consciously decide if I eat chocolate or not and not be driven and powerless over these kind of thoughts anymore. Being awake, full of energy, active, bored or tired is just a decision that we make. It is the awareness and attitude towards life and towards wealth.
• Physical strength: My muscles built much faster than before. Every yoga practise felt twice as intense and powerful than before. So many blockages in muscles and body left my system, the heaviness disappeared. Freely and flexibly I was able to move. I gained strength not only on the physical level, but much more on the mental level.   
• Impact on my body weight: I lost 1 – 2 kg within those 21 days, but only fat pads than real weight. So in fact what I was hoping for manifested. I also had to face a fear inside me of losing weight and once I looked into that fear, I realized that it was fear of death. With every day of this process I trusted life and my body more and more. This deep trust in life, that I am nurture no matter what happens is a unique experience. And so I was also able to reduce the fear of death which unconsciously appeared all the time when I didn’t had anything to eat for a longer time already before I started this process. This process was just helping me to become aware of that.
• Time: On the evening of the second day I was sitting at home in the evening, it was 7 pm. I cleaned already my apartment and did laundry, finished some paperwork, bought and hung up new curtains und suddenly i realized: all the things I did within the last two days normally took me five days. And now I was bored and wondered what to do with all that additionally time that I normally spend on buying food, cooking, thinking about food, eating or doing the dishes. The process in total was a very productive time 🙂
• Being nurtured: On the third day, the first day of eating again I wanted to have everything I want. So I went to the supermarket and bought jummy things like Avocado and goat cheese, fries and everything I always loved. I thought “finally, I can provide for myself again”. And then I thought “but how did I provide for myself the days I didn’t eat then”? I realized, that I nurtured myself on a different level: I allowed myself to sit down for 5 minutes when I needed to rest. Before that I sat down and relaxed when it was time to eat. I nurtured myself on a spiritual level with daily meditation. I nurtured not only myself, but even more I also nurtured my soul and my mind with books, through being creative or meditating.
• Health: I realized that it is not about what I eat in order to be healthy anymore. I was always told that I need proteins or vitamins to be healthy. But with all the food that we put in our body, our body is losing its capability to produce everything it needs by it’s own. The moment I experienced this, I was just grateful and blissful for going through this 21day meditation process named Nirahara Samyama.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask!
Loving yogic spirit and lifestyle! 🙂

Self-made toothpaste

Since I have started to use self-made toothpaste there are two different recipes I have tried, both very easy to make and ready in no time. The result was more than satisfying for me. Here is the second recipe I tried, the first one was similar, just with the use of baking powder instead of baking soda. Research showed baking soda as higher recommended, plus it makes your teeth whiter.

How to do it yourself:

• 4 – 5 tbsp baking soda – it helps to remove discoloration of the teeth and neutralizes cavity-causing bacteria
• 2 – 3 tbsp coconut oil – it operates antibacterial, antifungal, antiviral and like baking soda, it is 100% natural

Mix both ingredients well and your DIY toothpaste is ready for use. If the coconut oil is too solid, heat it up a little bit so you can stir it easily. I store the toothpaste in a little jar. You can also put it in a tube, but I choose the jar as I try to avoid plastic packaging. I have a toothpick with the jar to apply the toothpaste on the toothbrush. If the room temperature is very high, the toothpaste might get more liquid, if it’s cold, it will be more solid. Both ways are fine, just put it on the toothpaste and normally brush your teeth, no problem. (Some recipes recommend Stevia, 1/2 tbsp to sweeten it or essential oil, 12 drops, which I’ve never added as I like it the way it is.)

I am very enthusiastic about the results: my teeth feel very clean and they appear whiter, plus the gum feels healthier. And this might sound weird, but the surface of my teeth feels softer and thicker when I touch it with my tongue, like a natural protection layer.

The durability depends on the best-before date of the ingredients. With the quantity given here, I lasted about 2 months.

I changed to this natural way of toothpaste as I consider the ingredients of conventional toothpastes very questionable. On the packaging it even sometimes says „do not swallow“. Ingredients like aspartame, carageen (E407), glycerin, micro plastic particles and most of all fluoride should make us think. Fluoride enters through your oral mucosa into your lymphatics and goes into your thyroid gland. There it produces Fluoride-Thyroxine which destroys the thyroid gland. Fluoride slows down your metabolism, makes you weak-minded and puts you in a nebulous state.

If you ingest too much fluoride it demonstrably causes fluorosis (white spots on your teeth). In countries where drinking water contains a high amount of fluoride, like India, this micro element can even cause toxication leading to bone damage (skeletal fluorosis) or kidney damage.

The studies about fluoride are contradictory due to different initiators and in my opinion not 100% reliable.

But: just simply choose to be on the safe side and decide to make your own, natural and healthy toothpaste!

India: 21 days of deep transformation

On 1st of May, 2016, my third journey to India began. This time, I headed to Ujjain. It was THE place to be, because it was the place where Kumbh Mela was happening this year, the world’s biggest spiritual festival. My guru Paramahamsa Nithyananda Swamiji invited all his disciples to live in his camp and experience the 21-day meditation program “Shuddhadvaitam” (Sanskrit word means “purely non-dual”). About 2.000 disciples followed his call and gathered in Ujjain at the Nithyananda Camp. The only thing that I really knew about what would be awaiting me there was the following message from Swamiji weeks before the event: “You will live like a Sannyas, but you will go back like a king“.

I arrived in Ujjain on the 2nd of May late in the afternoon. The first item on my list was to register at the welcome desk, located in the meditation hall. After which my friend from my last journey to India was very kind to take me around and show me the camp.

There was a smaller tent hall, the food hall for all the participants of the meditation program and another smaller tent hall that served as the food hall for general public visiting the camp daily. Our camp served free food continuously to all of these visitors, every day. A bigger tent hall decorated in beautiful colors, with lamps and flags was the temple with beautiful statues of 108 deities, admired and worshipped by the public and also the program participants. Guests were welcome to tour the temple, the food hall and the medical camp. The meditation hall, the second food hall, the sleeping tents and the sanitary areas with showers and toilets were only accessible for participants of the program.

My friend continued our tour and guided me to the toilets. There were lockable iron cabins with a toilet bowl (no flush or toilet seat), a bucket and a water tap. Very easy to use and to sanitize yourself and the toilet bowl after use with the bucket of water. The shower was another iron cabin, lockable with a latch. The shower cabin had a small hole in the corner for the water to drain, one bucket and a water tap as well. One week later, the camp was also equipped with “western” toilets and showers. Those shower cabins were closed and equipped with a towel rail, a shower head and a water tap knee-high. The western toilets had flush and toilet seats, but unfortunately both, toilets and showers ran out of water most of the time and they were needed maintenance very soon. The “Indian-styled” toilets and showers could be easier to keep clean and functioned until the end of the camp. Once a day washed myself with a bucket of water, which was my daily ray of hope considering 40 degree plus, sun, sweat and dust. When we ran out of water, I used to carry my bucket to the other sanitary facilities about 5 minutes away to get water. And as the flush of the western toilets rarely provided water, I used the Indian toilets most of the time. After a few days I was used to them. My friend showed me the area to wash clothes before we moved on to the sleeping tent.

I entered a huge tent hall with a large number of bunk beds. The beds were made of iron and were each equipped with a foam mattress, covered with linen, a pillow, quilt and a cushion cover. The sleeping tent was open underneath the roof, so fresh air was able to enter in addition to the fans hanging from the roof. There were 12 bunk beds in one row, making a total of 24 beds (top and lower beds) in each row. One row was immediately next to the other, then half a meter passage and the next row afterwards. There were about 20 rows in the tent, accommodating around 450 people in one tent, as not all the beds were filled. It took me a little while to find the right bed. A lot of them were already chosen and some just didn’t feel right. Finally, I found a good one (don’t get me wrong, they ALL looked the same and had the exact same equipment, but they were still different 😀 ). Anyways, I chose one. I sat down. I put my traveler backpack on “my” bed. And my eyes filled with tears. What was I doing here? How was I supposed to survive here for 21 days? I cried. For 10 minutes. Then I put my imaginary crown back straight on my curly hair and knew, that I was able to make it.

I persevered for 21 days. I slept only three to four hours each day but surprisingly had enough energy and strength. The daily meditations opened up states of consciousness I had never dreamed of before. I had incredible experiences, not explainable by the logic mind. I made great friends, laughed, danced and learned a lot, mostly about myself. All situations, all experiences brought so many different faces of myself to daylight, which was only possible in that environment and under those circumstances and in the presence of my guru. I was and still am surprised about my inner strength. About the will, the power of being able to survive only with a few things, with water, clothes, a bed (and ear plugs), rice, fruits, bread and a daily bucket of water (ok, there was also toothpaste and toothbrush J ). No television. No comfortable chairs. No air conditioning. No internet. I was surprised about my mental strength to see the best in every situation and to make the conscious decision to carry a smile on my face, no matter what the upcoming day (or night) will bring.

During the last week of the program there was one moment where I couldn’t handle it anymore, or at least thought so. On this day I really thought that I had reached “my” limit. I cried. I bawled like a little child sitting on my bed before going to sleep. Suddenly a soft voice asked “Can I help you my dear?” It was a woman’s voice from two beds further down my row. She was Indian and her daughter was sleeping in the bed next to me. I asked her with tears running down all over my face how she was able to keep up with everything here? How is she able to have faith in guru, in Swamiji if he puts us through so many challenges here? She told me that she hasn’t had much more luxury than this throughout her whole life. She lives in a small bedroom, not much bigger than two bunk beds with a shower and a toilet close to her bedroom. Then she said one very significant sentence while holding my hand. She said “You guys are so blessed. You don’t even know how much”.

I was sitting in my bathtub for the first time after I arrived back home in Vienna, Austria. And I cried. I felt the warm water on my skin, my muscles relaxed and it felt so good to let go. I was so grateful. And that minute I remembered the moment when she looked me in the eyes and pressed my hand, saying “You guys are so blessed…”. It struck me how right she was.

On the second day after I arrived back home from the Kumbh Mela a persistent inflammation in my intestine showed up. I was very dehydrated due to heavy diarrhea, which led to enormous headache. I needed infusions for two days because no medicine was helping. After one week of confusion, a lot of sleep, dizziness and rest I slowly got back to strength. It was like a reset button. People asked me “So was it worth it?”, “Was it necessary to go through all of this”?

YES. It was. I’m getting back to strength and will fully recover soon. And what I can say right now in reply are the changes I’m seeing and experiencing:

• I look into the mirror and what I see is incredible, unshakable inner strength. A kind of strength and inner depth that I’ve never felt before. I know, that no matter what comes, nothing will be able to easily shake me.
• I feel neither anger nor rage. It is as if those feelings are completely removed from my system. So relieving!
• I cannot cry, at least not out of pain or sadness. If I feel sadness, it evaporates immediately. The only times when I cry is out of gratefulness, out of bliss or if I feel that I am letting go of something from my past, something I don’t need anymore.
• I see things through my third eye (pineal gland) which was awakened by my guru Swamiji. Things that I would never be able to see with my two physical eyes…

I am grateful for those 21 days, even if they appear to someone as borderline. And even though the changes that I describe are already so profound, I also feel that I’m yet not fully aware of the deep transformation that has happened in me…